otherwise.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-11T00:39:00

2004-09-11T04:39:49Z

for now, i'm moving back to snowdrift. i apologize for any confusion.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-10T15:02:00

2004-09-10T19:04:32Z

how much of your life can fit into an envelope?

today i found eight years of mine in my mailbox.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-09T23:22:00

2004-09-10T04:21:21Z

must see:
dig! & garden state asap.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-09T21:25:00

2004-09-10T01:31:17Z

1. i'm really sick of using my brother's computer.
2. i ordered my new computer yesterday. it should be here in 9 days.
3. i went to the school for algebra tutoring. it helped a little.
4. i want photoshop back. now.
5. i might do something new with my site, static sparks. i had decided to just leave it archived on heavenlyrain.com. ..however, when the site went down & ainslie changed hosts, all the files were lost. when my computer died the first time, i lost all of my backup files for the site on my harddrive as well. now, as i cannot simply re-upload it, it calls for an entire overhaul of the site. i think a slight change in content/purpouse might be in order
6. i drove 64 miles in a random direction today. i ended up in a different state by a lake.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-08T16:29:00

2004-09-08T20:36:33Z

today is. .. im not sure:

1. i'm ordering my new computer today (!!). see what crying like a child can get you?
2. i missed the first fifteen minutes of my first class of the day: one in which i had an exam in. i slept in. blah.
3. however, i'm fairly sure i aced the exam.
4. the same can be said of the second exam of the day.
5. i made a 98% on my exam from last week. with the added two bonus points: 100%
6. i am completely lost in algebra. i sobbed about it when i came home. it's really upsetting me. i could fail the class, and it's not even midterm. it's very, very possible.
7. i think i might start going back to weight watchers soon. i need to.
8. i'm exhausted...but i think im going to go for a walk in the rainymist.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-08T01:45:00

2004-09-08T05:47:59Z

using my brother's computer as he sleeps.

i may be getting a new computer soonish afterall. my parents know that i would suffer serious mental problems without a bright glowing box to stare at for hours. ..and i cried. yes. i cried to mummy and daddy. again. i did the first time it fucked up and i did it again.

so - ignore the last entry. i can't live without a computer.

& i cannot live having to get up for an 8am exam tomorrow. two (!) exams in one day? it should be illegal. ..at least the classes/subjects are cake.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-07T14:07:00

2004-09-07T17:55:38Z

i'm at school.

i should be studying for the two exams that i have tomorrow (sociology & us history until 1865). however, as i no longer have a computer that is functional, i could not resist the temptation to log on and check livejournal, etc.

..and.. you know.. i dont really feel as shitty about not having a computer as i thought i would. i mean, sure, i spent 8+ hours a day sitting in front of it... and the fact that it's broken prevents me from talking to various lovely people (specifically one particular person that i havent spoke to in two? weeks).. but i don't care. nothing i do on here really matters anyway--this journal is pointless, for one. it's just a waste of time and i dont have any idea how i can surrender so much of my time to it.

i guess because there isnt anything else to do.

those of you that i actually talk to on aim--i miss you already.

..so i've beeen watching television--which seems like an even bigger waste of time. i can't believe this shit that they try to pass off as entertainment. it's mind-numbing. i spent the entire day watching a "what not to wear" marathon on TLC. i guess it could have been worse.

it's going to cost $480 to have my car repaired. the woman who hit me just gave us the money, as she did not want it to go through her insurance company. why? because she's 78 years old and "doesn't want to have [her] insurance increased, or [her] license possibly revoked."

i wish the people next to me would stop talking about politics that they know nothing about & reading aloud their fucking horoscopes.

i hate being in public.

i hate it
i hate it
i hate it.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-06T19:57:00

2004-09-07T00:02:48Z

1. my computer is now offically, offically dead.

2. someone hit my car today.

1 - contd.: i tried to reinstall windows. five times. every time it gets stuck on the same screen for four hours & never finishes. it says that my computer does not have enough memory to re-install xp and just... gives up. i'm on my grandmother's computer at the moment.

2 - contd: today is my mother's 50th birthday. i left the house to buy her a present & a cake at about 11:30 this morning. while turning off onto a side road, a 78 year old woman in a minivan ran into me, pushing my car a few yards, through grass, between a parked car & a telephone poll, where i came to a stop in the parking lot of an apartment buliding. my car (amazingly) suffered only a bent back bumper. it scared the fuck out of me.

i'm having a really, really bad two days...week.. month.. year... life... etc.

i don't know if i will be getting a new computer anytime soon. so, updates may be few and far between, unless i decide to start using the school's computers more frequently.

/feeling sorry for self.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-05T20:37:00

2004-09-06T00:38:17Z

great. wonderful. fantastic.

my computer is fucked up again.

it won't run windows. after it gets to the "welcome" page, the only thing that shows up is my background. i can ctrl+alt+del & run programs from the task manager.. so i can still use aim & my alternative browser other that IE (which doesnt work either).

what in the fuck?

why wont anything work??

i dont understand this. not at all.

i need a new goddamn computer.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-05T13:37:00

2004-09-05T17:49:59Z

to continue a point made on the last entry:

"i am a horrible friend".

- holly--i apologize for disappearing last night. a & g called me from los angeles and we talked until 2am. i promptly fell asleep on my bed thereafter.

on the subject of a&g: i've been clicking around the amtrak website for three days now. all i want for xmas is a train ticket to los angeles. it's $150 cheaper than flying. besides, trains are beautiful. i've never taken one anywhere and i'm sure it would be an amazing experience. every profoundly influential poet or musician has written about trains. i love their romanticism and nostalgia: "taking the train." itself sounds immeasurably sophisticated. plus: meals in the dining car come added in with the faire. !

.. and, who knows? maybe i could accidentally find myself on platform 9 3/4.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-04T22:47:00

2004-09-05T02:59:59Z

my mother swore that i should have been standing up there too.. in one of those ugly coral chiffon dresses & clear heels. beaming brightly at my cousin in her white & silver puff nightmare of a dress.

instead, i was reduced to sitting in a pew & all the while tried my best to hold back fits of laughter. she's married -- and it's really funny. a former closest friend & a relative. ..but i sat in the front & stuck my tongue out at her jokingly as she walked down the aisle.

it's so nice to know that i really don't need these people in my life anymore.

i'm such a horrible "friend". people don't matter to me. i can pick them up and cut them off without a shred of apprehension.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-03T18:25:00

2004-09-03T22:28:06Z

natasha should buy the plastic accordion that we saw at cost plus world market months ago. then her accordion & my cello should join forces and make crazy avant-garde music under a latin pseudonym.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-03T18:01:00

2004-09-03T22:02:08Z

pomqueen@gmail.com

(thanks holly.)

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-02T18:55:00

2004-09-02T22:57:11Z

gray&rainy sky + bergamot + history book = good day.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-02T10:02:00

2004-09-02T14:03:12Z

today:

i am going to resgister to vote. finally.

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-01T09:48:00

2004-09-01T13:54:06Z

wow. is it humanly possible for people to be any more annoying?

i'm sitting here in the school's library. normally, i spend this break hiding in my car for over an hour. however, today, i decided that i needed to do a bit of studying & rewrite some notes on a flat surface (ie: table). after doing such, i decided to take advantage of the computers displayed in front of me.

so: there i was, a mere two minutes ago: minding my own business, reading what's new on a couple of message boards, when my train of thought was oh-so rudely interrupted by he girls next to me.

what was this annoyance, you ask? why, it was their cellphones! they are downloading ringtones in the library.

wow. so i moved. seven computers away. i can still hear them chattering & the annoying polyphonic whore hits.

WE ARE IN A LIBRARY. THIS IS NOT A TIME FOR NEW TOP 40 RINGTONES.

baahhh!

calyxcrown @ 2004-09-01T01:49:00

2004-09-01T05:50:23Z

i have decided: i hate surrealism.

calyxcrown @ 2004-08-31T22:56:00

2004-09-01T03:02:51Z

while in cincinnati over the weekend, i met a new freshman who now lives in my old apartment--more specifically, who now lives in my old bedroom. i didnt go to my former abode, but i did speak with him about what the house/my former room is like now. from our discussion, i have this to say about him:

1. he's very religious. goes to church every sunday.
2. he was wearing a shirt with tractors on it & a john deere wristband.
3. he mentioned something about wanting to make anti-abortion art.
4. he proclaimed that he doesnt say "bad words" because his mommy and daddy taught him that they were wrong.
5. HE PUT UP A FUCKING GEORGE W. BUSH POSTER ON THE WALLS OF MY OLD BEDROOM

they found my male polar opposite. ..and they put him in there. i hope some of my liberal karma is still floating around my room & rubs off on him.

i'm going to vomit now.. as my family sits downstairs, glued to the television, eating up every word of the speeches at the fucking repulican nationa convention.

save me.

calyxcrown @ 2004-08-31T15:43:00

2004-08-31T19:45:33Z

still sick; tired.

medulla was released today. i plan to buy it sometime this afternoon or evening.

i am so exhausted. this cold had drained me of every bit of energy. i just want to sleep.

calyxcrown @ 2004-08-30T21:25:00

2004-08-31T01:31:47Z

what do you say when someone tells you that they read the bell jar & it reminded them of you the entire time?

i read it in grade 5 (kind of young, i know). i hated it. i might give it another chance. i'm not sure. .. when i was told that some of the things that the main character says are verbatim regarding what i say & how others think i view the world, it provokes the desire to read it again. maybe i would gather some insight on what i project to those around me. ..?

then i will stick my head in the oven.

calyxcrown @ 2004-08-30T19:55:00

2004-08-31T00:01:34Z

RIP - my olde keyboarde.

this is a sign that i require a new computer. one week, the software ceases working entirely, and the next: portions of my keyboard go dead.

i'm glad i found this piece of crap one for $9... that is better than the lack of numerous buttons. that copy & paste crap was not going to last long.

do keys just die after x number of pressings?

.. and why oh why is my backspace button SO minuscule?! the enter button is freakingfuckinghuge. whaa??

i'm still sick. ew. coughhacksneezeew.

calyxcrown @ 2004-08-29T22:25:00

2004-08-30T02:39:58Z

i am sick, tired and annoyed.

the 'm', 'p', 'b', 'enter' comma, decimal period, and shift keys decided to stop working for no apparent reason. therefore, i have to find the letters on a website and copy and paste them wherever i am typing. it is making me insane.

i want to speak more of my cincinnati trip, however this copy and paste shit is too frustrating.

i just want everything to work smoothly for once. it is really fucking with me.

calyxcrown @ 2004-08-27T01:09:00

2004-08-27T05:19:39Z

(are the few friendships i have worth the time i invest in them? i feel eternally on the giving end. never receiving. i offer them my time, attention, & my shoulder to cry on. ..but they complain about their other friends & how much they would like to spend time with them -- when they think i'm not looking.

i'm here. do you not see me? ..or am not as worthwhile as all of your other friends?)

a&g are moving to los angeles tomorrow. before then, a,g,&ax2 & i are making a pilgrimage to our alma mater to see n & mrs.p&mrs.c. then, i will return to cincinnati for a night to see m&s and the others (those of which i don't really care to see again).

a+g = l.a. = n+i driving to l.a. for new years. i hope.

calyxcrown @ 2004-08-26T14:00:00

2004-08-26T18:05:34Z

last night: caroll - i had a dream about you & i meeting melissa auf der maur in an abandoned mall in los angeles. we were eating cherry flavoured, star-shaped, marshmellow candy that turned from blue to red when you licked it.

the night before: i had a dream that i was a roadie for the dandy wahols. this involved me doing a promo stunt for a new album they were going to release(though they dont even have a new album coming up). .. i had to sit on a giant chocolate cake while a boat pulled me along by the statue of liberty.

what's with the sweets & the bands? it's becoming rather odd.

calyxcrown @ 2004-08-23T22:01:00

2004-08-24T02:03:23Z

skipping school & the cows: